The Ramen King and I

I am reading a memoir called The Ramen King and I: How the Inventor of Instant Noodles Fixed My Love Life.

I hate memoirs. I never read them. The only memoir I ever finished is Angela's Ashes and that's because it really didn't read like a memoir at all. It read like fiction.

So, you might be asking yourself, "Why are you reading The Ramen King and I?"

I actually have a very good answer. Because I dated the author, Andy Raskin. When I say dated, I don't mean that he was ever actually my boyfriend. But we did go out several times and we even somehow ended up spending a week scuba diving together in Cozumel.

And, furthermore, I credit him to some extent for the fact that I am a published author today.

So, I certainly feel the need to know how exactly Momofuku Ando, the inventor of instant noodles, fixed his love life.

Why Are We Writers?

Richard Peck said, "I am a writer because of two boys on a raft."

Which got me thinking...

I am a writer because a little girl discovers the key to a locked garden.

Why are you a writer?

UPDATE: For more on what Richard Peck had to say at the NJ-SCBWI Conference, see Tara's post.

Speaking of Conferences...

I was The SCBWI New Jersey Annual Conference yesterday, and guess who sat next to me at lunch? Editor X! I couldn't believe it. There were like 20 tables and we were given table assignments. What were the chances?

So, she sits down right next to me and of course, I go into panic mode. "Hi, I met you in March," I say. "I sent you THREE NINJA PIGS." "Yes," she replies. "I still have it." No kidding! At this point, I have no idea what to say next. "Um, yeah, um... I am hoping that's a good sign." "Well, I like it. It's a good story, but... the picture book market is very character driven right now. Not sure it's a good time for a fractured fairy tale."

I am completely stumped for a reply. I don't want to ask if she'd like to see something else. Obviously, if she did, she would just tell me. So, I mention that an agent has asked to see it with minor revisions and babble like a lunatic about the conflicting advice I have had from various professionals. Oh, God. She probably hates me now. I feel like I sounded whiny and very negative about the industry. UGHHH! Why couldn't I have just kept my big mouth shut! Leave it to me to turn a great opportunity into a liability.

Guest Blogger: MelissaPEA on What Not To Do At Conferences

We’ve all heard the warnings about conference etiquette. No monopolizing editors and agents. No launching into a lengthy pitch unless asked. No sliding a manuscript under the bathroom stall when the editor next to you really just wants a few squares of toilet paper.

I used to think this was folklore. What self-respecting writer would actually behave like this? Editors and agents must be making it up, just to sway anyone from ever behaving so rudely.

I was wrong. Some writers think that attending a conference entitles them to elbow their way past the other aspiring writers and into an agent’s or editor’s good graces.

I was flabbergasted not long ago, when a woman had the audacity to say at a conference luncheon table, “Well, we’re sitting with editors and agents, and I drove eleven hours to get here so I’m not going to waste this opportunity.” She then polled each publishing professional to see if they’d be willing to have a looksie at her novel, which she described in detail.

Apparently she hadn’t read the list of no-nos that came with the conference packet. “Please pass the ketchup” is okay to say at the lunch table; “will you read my manuscript” isn’t. Everyone else appeared annoyed or uncomfortable, but the woman rambled on about that manuscript and others. I was so busy seething and tuning her out that I regrettably did not tell her to shut up.

My drive to the conference was only a half-hour, but over the years I’ve made numerous professional and personal sacrifices to become a children’s writer. So an eleven hour ride? PSHAW!

When we go to these conferences, we’re all excited about the possibilities. But we shouldn’t brim with so much enthusiasm, like Miss Eleven Hours, that we alienate editors, agents, and other attendees.

The thing I love about the children’s writing community is that we are an extremely supportive group. I have made great friends at conferences. We encourage each other all the time. Isn’t it better to make friends than enemies at conferences?

Did you ever meet someone who committed a conference faux pas? Do you have any advice for others on What Not To Do At Conferences?

I Have a New Mantra

My new mantra is...

Wait. Let me back up a bit. Monday night I was playing Bunco. For those of you who have no clue what that is, it's a stupid dice game that women in the suburbs play. This is as good a time as any to mention that I made more money in 2008 playing Bunco than I made in Hop! Plop! royalties. How sad is that?

Anyway, there are 12 women in the game and everyone hosts one month out of the year. We were sitting around stuffing our faces when we got started on the subject of "delivery stories." This led to medical "horror" stories in general. (You know, doctors forgetting an instrument inside you type of things) We're a competitive group. Jessica, wanting to top everyone, said, "Well, we had a regular customer who was a doctor. He had a diabetic patient once who needed a foot amputation. And he cut off the wrong foot." She won hands down.

So, from now on... when I forget the pom poms for my daughter's dance recital and I want to kill myself, I am simply going to breathe and say, "At least I didn't cut the wrong foot off!"

Art Notes- Can't Live with 'em, Can't Live without 'em

As a picture book author, I always struggle with when to include an art note and when not to. Some editors and agents seem to hate them. My agent mentor at the NJ March SCBWI conference pretty much told me, "They should ALL go!"

But... won't the editor/agent be wondering what happens there?" I asked.

"NO," he replied. "CUT CUT CUT"

So, I sent my story to an agent without art notes and got this response today. "What happens there?"

I AM NOT KIDDING!

She said there seemed to be a gap in the story. Well, it is a bit of a Catch 22. Industry wisdom dictates that a picture book should be half told by the author and half told by the illustrator, but you can't submit half a story! So, unless you happen to be an illustrator, you are in a bit of a bind.

What's a PB author to do?

Never a Dull Moment

Never a dull moment around here. Last night, the fire alarm went off at 3:00 AM. David leaped out of bed in a single bound, which was reassuring considering my daughter was practically drowning once and he completely froze. (I had to go in the water fully dressed to save her.)

Josh, my almost four year old, slept peacefully through the shrill, piercing blare. I carried him to the front door.

There was no fire. David checked the basement and attic, but couldn't find anything that might have set it off. The police came. The fire department came. They checked for carbon monoxide but found nothing. They said an insect probably crawled into one of the units triggering the alarm. We apologized profusely for waking them in the middle of the night.

Josh got back into bed and speculated for an hour on why we say "the alarm went off" when the alarm actually went "on."