Me and My Menopot

So ... I have a big-ish birthday coming up and I am a little freaked out. Okay, a lot freaked out.  I mean... I have a kindergarten-er and a first grader.  That makes me like 32... 33 max, right?  Not 45-with-50-on-the-horizon, right?  That just isn't possible!

To make matters worse, I have a black tie wedding next weekend and when I pulled my fancy dress out of the closet, it became abundantly clear that  I was not going to be able to get it zipped.

I called my mom and she said, "Don't worry.  I have a stunning dress you can borrow.  It's gorgeous.  You'll love it!"   She brought it over last night and guess what?   No, it wasn't hideous.  (Well, it was a little hideous, but in a pretty kind of way)  I couldn't get it zipped!   My mother's dress.  Now that is just sad. 

So, now here I am... an almost 50-year-old with a menopot. 

Thing 2's Greatest Hits

As a writer, it is important to get inside the minds of your audience.  So for those of you who write PBs, here are my five-year-old's best quotes from 2010:

Feb '10

(While visiting, Charlie, a neighbor's new puppy)
JORDAN: Charlie is smarter than Grandma's dog, Rosie.
JOSH: Well, Rosie is smarter than Sarah Palin.


March '10

ME: Josh, when is the last time you washed your hair.
JOSH: December


April '10

JOSH: Mommy, I have a new system. If I back up when I pee, I don't hit the wall.


June '10

(During Monopoly)
JOSH:  I read the word "Indiana"...without even looking!


Sept '10

JOSH: Mommy, come here. I need you.
ME: I can't right now, sweetie. I'm cooking something
JOSH: Can you pause?


Oct '10

ME: Josh, I am so proud of you. You read your first book!
JOSH:  Can you tell all your friends on Facebook?


Dec '10

ME: Josh, did you play Mario with your friend, Spencer?
JOSH: Yeah, but he hadn't played in a long time, so he was a little dusty.


Happy 2011, everybody!  Hope my kids still have a few years of good material left in them!

Ten in '10 - Final Check In

Okay, back in the beginning of the year, I set a goal for myself-  write ten picture books in 2010.  (Some of you even said you would join me!)

For those of you who missed it, the motivation for this goal came from the realization that a good picture book author sells approximately one in five PB manuscripts.

My goal was to write ten, so that I could sell two.

Well, it is the end of the year.  How did I do?

I wrote six manuscripts. (and, BTW, that is a HUGE record for me!)

It may be four short of my goal, BUT ... I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I might have met my ultimate goal.   GOLDI ROCKS sold and I think my CINDERELLA story will sell as well.  

So, for me, I consider 2010 a writing success.  (Don't ask my parenting or exercise goals, though!)

How did you guys do in 2010?

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Megan Bickel wrote a post this week about embracing your mood, whatever it is, and using it to write.  If you are grumpy, write about a grumpy character. "Carpe Grumpy!" she said.

Well, I have been freezing for days.    I feel like there is no circulation in my hands.  I get back under the covers instead of changing and going  to  he gym.  I take a hot bath, instead of working on story revisions.  (Who can type when they can't even feel their fingers?)

But today, I am going to take  Megan's advice and think freezing.  Carpe Cold!

Coldilocks and the Three Polar Bears?  (Can't do it, already have a Goldi story)
The Three Skiing Pigs? (Can't do it, already have a pigs story)
Shiverella?  (Can't do it... yeah, got one of those too!)

I'll go make a hot chocolate and keep thinking...

ADDENDUM:  Just got another one... Little Red Gliding Hood

I Got an Easy One!

I'm in love with my new baby!  I'm not ready to reveal the hook yet, so I will just refer to her as CINDERELLA. (She was previously known as idea #11 :)   She is an angel.   So cooperative!

GOLDI ROCKS was never this well-behaved.  She fought me tooth and nail the entire way through.  She had endless time outs!  A lot like Thing 2.  Cute, but naughty.  Always testing.  Several times I considered putting her up for adoption. (Fortunately, my agent wouldn't allow that)

But not CINDERELLA.  She is every mother's dream.   Easy, easy, easy!

Wishing all of you out there one easy one!

The Season of Shivering and Sobbing

Oh, how I wish...
that I was born a bear
so I could spend the winter
hiding in my lair.

Snuggled, warm and cozy,
I could hibernate.
Oh, to be a bear,
wouldn't that be GREAT!

I have a bad case of winter blues and it's not even mid-December!  I just want to crawl under the covers and not come out till March.

Unfortunately, my husband has vetoed that plan.  He also said a move to the Caribbean was "out of the question."  (Gosh, what a killjoy, he is! :)

So, if I can't escape physically, I'll have to escape mentally.  Anyone have a good book to recommend that is not at all depressing?

Joey Fly 2- The Bugs are Back in Town!

If you liked Joey Fly, Private Eye- Creepy Crawly Crime, then you will love Joey Fly 2- Big Hairy Drama. Aaron Reynolds and Neil Numberman team up again to bring you another installment of this funny, punny graphic novel series.

          LIFE IN THE BUG CITY. HOT. WET. AND WICKED.

A cold snap has blown into town like an unwanted house pest. But there’s only one guy in the bug city with the power to put crime permanently on ice: Joey Fly, Private Eye. He’s always on the lookout for trouble, and he runs into it when he meets Harry Spyderson, proprietor of the Scarab Beetle Theatre and director of the much-anticipated Bugliacci.

Greta Divawing, the four-winged, long-legged leading lady, has gone missing. Harry hires Joey Fly and his assistant, Sammy Stingrear-- oops, tail, it's Stingtail--to crack the case. Can they find Greta in time to save the show?

It has intrigue.

"What about Fleeago? Did you hear him threaten her in any way?"
"Wait a minute!  You think Fleeago did this?
"Just answer the question. Did he say "You'll pay for this!" or "Mwaa-ha-ha!" or anything like that?"

It has word play.

"You are a lover of theater, I see?"
"Well, I was in my second grade school production of A Lice in Wonderland. I'm no theater bug, though."

It has bathroom humor!

I eat poop, okay?  So I am not exactly what you'd call a discriminating eater.  But there are still some things that should go uneaten.  I'm just saying...

What more could a kid want?

Aaron Reynolds is a human, not a bug, but he often writes about bugs. He is the author of Chicks and Salsa, Superhero School, Buffalo Wings, and, of course, the Joey Fly, Private Eye graphic novels.

Neil Numberman is a termite currently residing in New York City. Joey Fly, Private Eye is his first graphic novel, but he is also the author/illustrator of the picture book Do NOT Build a Frankenstein.

And for every 10 comments, one random winner will be drawn to receive a bug caricature done by Neil!.  Many thanks in advance, Neil!